What if Dad’s Not Convinced?

So, you’ve started to research homeschooling and have decided you want to give it a go, but your spouse is not convinced?

That’s the situation I was in, and while my husband has always been a huge supporter of everything I do, he was leery of going against the grain on this one. This is, after all, our children we’re talking about. He has every right to be concerned for their well-being.

If your spouse is not convinced, keep in mind that s/he wants the best for your children, just as you do. We parents may not always have the answers, but the decisions we make are usually based on what we feel is the right thing to do at the time. Hind sight is 20/20 vision, but that doesn’t help now, does it?

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If you’re the one doing all the research, you may find yourself getting more and more comfortable with the idea of homeschooling with every article you read and every forum you join. If your spouse is not reading what you are, it’s unlikely his/her comfort level is changing. In fact, s/he may even be hearing horror stories from family, friends or co-workers about that one homeschooling family that lived in a mud-hut at the top of a mountain, ate nothing but raw meat and goat’s milk, and danced naked around a fire making sacrifices to the Gods, whose teenagers can’t do algebra because the parents don’t believe in it and they cower at the thought of talking to anyone who wears anything but homespun wool.

You can see how your spouse would be concerned, can’t you?

While you’re building your confidence that this is could be right thing for your family, your spouse is confronting the naysayers without having the answers to their objections. S/he may feel ill-equipped to handle all of the seemingly-logical concerns expressed by the people closest to him/her.

When discussing the possibility of homeschooling, don’t just try to convince your spouse, encourage him or her to read up on the topic as well. Since your spouse respects your opinion, you should be able to ask that he or she at least give you the benefit of the doubt and read some of the same materials that you have. After s/he has read some of the same books, websites and articles, you can then sit down together and have an informed discussion about the topic.

I think the most important thing you can do is to articulate to your spouse that homeschooling doesn’t have to be a permanent decision. You can decide each year if you want to register your child in school or not. The public school system can’t refuse to accept your child’s registration, so there’s nothing to lose by trying. Honestly, even if you did nothing, your children would still learn. You couldn’t stop them if you tried!

I’ve heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. If you don’t try something new, you’ll never know if it will work or not. Just don’t burn any bridges at the school, so in the event that your child does return, you will still have a good relationship with the teachers, staff and other parents.

If you’re open-minded and willing to change course if things aren’t going well, you won’t have any problems. It’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about what’s right for your children right now. That could be very different from one year to the next. If you try homeschooling and it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know and can then focus on helping your child have the best public school experience possible, instead of yearning for him/her to be home with you.

In our case, after great discussion, my husband said, “If you feel that strongly about it, I’ll support you.” And does he ever! He’s now such a huge fan of homeschooling, because he can see the results for himself. We’ve never once regretted out decision, but we still re-evaluate every year. This year, we’re homeschooling. Next year, who knows? I don’t see us stopping any time soon, but you never know what life will throw at you.

It’s so tricky when parents disagree on what’s best for their children. No matter how compatible you may be, there will always be times of disagreement. You can’t force your spouse to accept homeschooling as a viable option, but you can do your best to convey that it’s not permanent, and it won’t do permanent damage to just try it. Maybe it won’t work out, but what if it does? What if it’s better than you imagined? Wouldn’t you be glad you tried it? If it’s not something that works well for your family, all you have to do is stop by the school to fill out a few forms.

If you don’t try it, you’ll always wonder if you should have. If you do try it and it doesn’t work out, you probably won’t regret trying it, but then at least you can stop wondering.

Our only regret is not homeschooling sooner.